Week 16 picks along with Intros

I realized today that we still don't all know each other. So, I've crafted very accurate bios of all of you along with this week's selections. Have a happy Sunday.

In order of the current standings:

1) William Eli Strait - known as Eli, but nicknamed in my phone as "Folgers Crystals". He was named Folgers Crystals at one point a few years back because he had lost all manhood whatsoever, and spent every day waking up with his wife in the kitchen drinking coffee, discussing world issues, and staring out a frosted window, much like you would expect to see in a Folgers ad. Hence the name Folgers Crystals. I am happy to say that this was just a stage though, and now you can see Eli back where he belongs - in the fast food drive thru lines all across the Lexington, Kentucky area. Also, Eli can take credit for about half of my vocabulary since I routinely use the words "Really" and "Dagger" which I originally heard from him. His picks:
- $20 on the Patriots (-7.5)
- $10 on the Skins (+5)
- $10 on Niners (-5)
- $10 on Jets (-4.5)


2) Thomas V. Saunders - known as Tommy, or "Stink", by most. Stink graduated from Chapel Hill. He's an avid Duke fan. And he currently works for the Maryland Terrapins athletic department. Those three statements should tell you one thing about Stink: he breaks the mold. He lives on the edge. He swims against the current. Which is why we used to call him "Salmon". Which evolved into "North Atlantic Salmon", which evolved into "Grizzly Prey", which evolved into "Griz". Actually none of that ever happened, but it should have. Griz, good luck to you with these week 16 picks:
- $100 on Steelers (-2)
- $100 on Texans (-7)
- $50 on Eagles (-5)
- $50 on Saints (-7)


3) Zack J. Mansfield - known by Swedish people as "Sack", or by "Mans" or "Manser". Zack is best known for his work on the initial Unified Fund venture - the Unified Fund Monthly Poker Tournament of Consolidation. Zack single handedly built a World Ranking System for the Unified Fund that rivaled the BCS, Neilson Ratings, and most Good Will Hunting equations. Other accomplishments include being able to recite word-for-word Dr. Evil's monologue in the father-son support group scene. Zack currently resides in New York City. Zack's Week 16 picks:
- $250 on Colts (-6)
- $200 on Cowboys (-4)
- $50 on Panthers (+3)
- $75 on Vikings (-3)

4) Collier Rosenfels Mills - known by many as "Fat Head", "Meat", "Big Montana" (after the Arby's sandwich), or my personal favorite, "The Weatherman". Collier's loves in his life are his wife, his daughter, donuts, and Phil Mickelson, not neccessarily in that order. Collier has a lot in common with Phil Mickelson. Collier works for Dunkin Donuts...Phil is DD's all-time best customer. Collier likes boobs...Phil has boobs. Collier once took a science class...Phil and his wife Amy have teamed up with Exxon to build a Math and Science center for kids who can't do math and science good. It's a win-win-win relationship. Collier's week 16 picks:
- $125 on Colts (-6)
- $125 on Cowboys (-4)
- $125 on Chargers (+3.5)
- $107.50 on Panthers (+3)
- $107.50 on Packers (+4)

5) Michael K. Eller - Eller lives in California, he paints toy soldiers, and he's gay. Okay not really. But since he lives in California, he's basically one step away from being gay. Which is why I call him "Almost Louganis". A.L. for short - pronounced "Al". But normally I just call him Eller. Or "Mario Lopez". Whichever comes out first. However, don't be fooled by the Californian-ness and think this guy doesn't know how to gamble...Eller is the two-time defending champion of the Unified Fund World Poker Tour - and actually won a World Series of Poker qualifying event earlier this year (no joke). Week 16 picks:
- $200 on Colts (-6)
- $10 on Cowboys (-4)
- $10 on Browns (-3)
- $10 on Dolphins (-4)

6) Michael Thomas Shade - Best known for his come-from-behind championship in the 2008-2009 Unified Fund Fantasy Sportsbook. Most other details are not interesting. His picks are below:
- $320 on Giants (-3)
- $10 on Seahawks (+4.5)
- $10 on Saints (-7)
- $10 on Patriots (-7.5)

7) Brian Keith Mobley - Known as "Mobley", "Mob Deep", or "Big Time". Mobley is a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan. So right about now, he has this sick feeling in his stomach, like his team just allowed two 80-yard runs in the last two minutes of the game to lose complete control of their playoff destiny. It's a sick feeling I know well...like when you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your closet blindfolded ready to tag team...wait...wrong feeling. What I meant was it's like when your team goes to Cincinnati and fumbles on the 1-inch line and loses and basically guarantees you'll miss the playoffs after a 6-2 start. And it stops there, and it picks up right here, because what I think my friend Mitch here is saying is that True Love is Blind. That said, Mobley's week 16 picks:
- $275 on Cowboys (-4)
- $10 on Redskins (+5)
- $10 on Vikings (-3)
- $250 on Giants (-3)

8) Benjamin M. Furnas - Known as "Natural Gas", "Firmis", "Focker", "Chafed", but mostly just "Furnas". Furnas actually participated on the game show "Legends of the Hidden Temple" when he was a kid - not many people know that. He's also known for naming public showering facilities the "Warsaw Ghetto" - because it's the place the Poles hang out. But, by far Furnas's best work was coining the term "ruined" and using it whenever it applies. For instance - someone was drunk - "he got ruined". Wes Welker gets obliterated by Ryan Clark over the middle - "he got ruined". Or, my personal favorite, when describing a fatal auto accident - "the passenger didn't have his seat belt on and got completely ruined." Furnas's week 16 picks:
- $20 on Eagles (-5)
- $20 on Falcons (+3)
- $20 on Giants (-3)
- $20 on Packers (+4)

9) Blake Hill - Known as "AK 47". Not because he promotes gun violence, but because his basketball game best resembles Andre Karleinko. Blake is best known for knowing facts about sports figures that no one else knows. Like Philip Rivers' birth weight. Or Chris Paul's grandmother's medical history. Also, if you travel with Blake anywhere in Winston-Salem, a minimum of 6 people will come up and have a conversation with him because he knows everyone that has ever lived in the city. Which is why we're trying to get a new nickname, "The Mayor", to stick. Hasn't stuck yet, but we're trying. Speaking of trying, here are Blake's league high 7 week 16 picks:
- $40 on Colts (-6)
- $20 on Cowboys (-4)
- $20 on Eagles (-5)
- $20 on Niners (-5)
- $10 on Bills (+7)
- $10 on Chargers (-3.5)
- $20 on Bears (-4)

10) John H. Kessler - Kessler is the only guy I've never met. I have, however, met his golf clubs. Kessler is a former roommate of Eller's (plutonic)...and I was over there one time and I saw this dude's golf bag. And I must say, I was quite intimidated by it. It was one of those light-weight "walk the course" bags - filled with a set of Mizuno almost-blades that said to me "I would own you". Also in the bag were a set of Cleveland wedges, all with a I-never-mis-the-center-of-the-clubface stain on the grooves. So Kessler - I don't want to play you in golf. Unless that wasn't your golf bag...and then I guess I don't know you at all. Here are Kessler's week 16 picks:
- $20 on Steelers (-2)
- $40 on Eagles (-5)
- $50 on Saints (-7)
- $10 on Jets (-4.5)

Happy football watching to all.